The Lion Sleeps Tonight
by SelahSpinshadow
Summary: A RiD script-fic. Wedge is ready for his directorial debut. And it could have been a great music video, too. . . .


Author's Note

For the record, this is a very silly script, a total departure from my usual writing style. This is also the result of insomnia and a pernicious chorus. So if this reads oddly, well, I blame this entire thing on lack of caffiene, RiD deprivation, and MCat! 

As usual, I claim no ownership to any of these characters. Oh, and watch for special guest stars. :) 

* * * * * 

The Lion Sleeps Tonight   
a music video by the Autobots   
directed by Wedge 

_The Scene: AUTOBOT HQ has been transformed into a makeshift soundstage. A very large greenscreen has been set up. The SPYCHANGERS, the AUTOBOT BROTHERS, and TEAM BULLET TRAIN are milling around in front of the greenscreen, while SKIDS rushes around taking lighting measurements, adjusting booms, and positioning cameras._

WEDGE: Places people! 

_The AUTOBOT BROTHERS, the SPYCHANGERS, and TEAM BULLET TRAIN divide into four teams of three. The screen ripples a little, but no one seems to notice._

GRIMLOCK: The Lion Sleeps Tonight, take one! 

WEDGE: And . . . ACTION! 

_Music plays in the background._

HOT SHOT, R.E.V., and W.A.R.S.: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

PROWL, SIDEBURN, and X-BRAWN: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

IRONHIDE, MIRAGE, and CROSSWISE: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

RAILSPIKE, RAPID RUN, and MIDNIGHT EXPRESS: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

HOT SHOT, REV, & WARS: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

AUTOBOT BROTHERS: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

IRONHIDE, MIRAGE, and CROSSWISE: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

TEAM BULLET TRAIN: A-im-bu-be, a-im-bu-be 

_This continues as a section of the green floor opens and HEAVY LOAD starts to rise from some lower area._

HEAVY LOAD: Doo doo doo-doo, doo doo doo doo-doo, doo dee a-im-bu-be   
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps to-night   
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps to– 

_A loud crash interrupts the scene as the background screen suddenly drops to the ground in a heap, a very apologetic-looking TOWLINE standing behind it._

WEDGE: Cut, cut, CUT! Towline, what happened? 

TOWLINE: Sorry Wedge. One of the cables slipped. I'll get it back in place right away. 

HIGH TOWER: I told you we should have used an actual set. 

WEDGE: There's no budget for that kind of construction. 

HIGH TOWER: And there is for computer graphics? 

WEDGE: Stop nitpicking. (notices the backdrop is once again in place) All right people, places! 

_The SPYCHANGERS, the AUTOBOT BROTHERS, and TEAM BULLET TRAIN resume their places. HEAVY LOAD returns to his place under the set._

GRIMLOCK: The Lion Sleeps Tonight, take two! 

WEDGE: And . . . ACTION! 

_The background singers start singing again._

HEAVY LOAD: (swinging on camera on a large green cable) Doo doo doo-doo, doo doo doo doo-doo, doo dee a-im-bu-beeeeeeeeeee! 

_Just as HEAVY LOAD is swinging back to center stage on his last syllable, the cable snaps, dumping him on the deck with a loud clank._

WEDGE: Cut, cut, CUT! Heavy Load, _what_ are you doing? 

HEAVY LOAD: I thought this would be more dramatic. 

WEDGE: We have a script for a reason, you know. 

SIDEBURN: I told you I should've been the lead singer. 

WEDGE: Let's try this again. And this time, stick to the script, okay Heavy Load? 

HEAVY LOAD: Right. Script. Gotcha. 

_All actors resume their places, though SIDEBURN is looking decidedly disgruntled._

GRIMLOCK: The Lion Sleeps Tonight, take three! 

WEDGE: ACTION! 

BACKGROUND SINGERS: (singing chorus) 

HEAVY LOAD: (rising from beneath the set on cue) Doo doo doo-doo, doo doo doo doo-doo, doo dee a-im-bu-be   
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps to-night   
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps to-niiiiiiiight! 

SIDEBURN: (stopped singing. mimicking the over-acting HEAVY LOAD) 

WEDGE: CUT!!! Sideburn! Stop monkeying around! 

SIDEBURN: Aww, come on, Wedge. It's not like the camera's on me for that bit anyway! 

WEDGE: That is soooo not the point. . . . 

RAPID RUN: We're never going to finish this, are we? 

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS: (hushed) Don't talk like that! 

WEDGE: Come on, people, focus! 

GRIMLOCK: The Lion Sleeps Tonight, take . . . four? 

Wedge: (sighs) And action. (sinks into his director's chair) 

BACKGROUND SINGERS: (singing chorus) 

HEAVY LOAD: (once again rising from beneath the set) Doo doo doo-doo, doo doo doo doo-doo, doo dee a-im-bu-be   
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps to-night   
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps to-niiiiiiiight! 

WEDGE: (leaning forward in his chair) 

RAPID RUN: (steps forward, stage left. _Camera on RAPID RUN_) Ingonyama ifile   
Ingonyama ilele   
Thula   
(rejoins RAILSPIKE and MIDNIGHT EXPRESS for chorus) 

_Camera on HEAVY LOAD._

HEAVY LOAD: Near the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight   
Near the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight 

WEDGE: (beaming with pride) 

GEOMAN: (tapping RAILSPIKE on the foot) Excuse me, but do you have any peanut butter sandwiches? 

_The music scratches and stops. WEDGE falls out of his chair._

SIDEBURN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on here? 

KOJI: (enters, running, stage right) TAI just said . . . I can't believe it. A real Digimon! 

RAPID RUN: (to GEOMAN) What are you doing here? Your show isn't for another forty-five minutes! 

GEOMAN: I'm hungry. When's lunch? 

TAKATO: (enters, running, stage left) Geoman! I thought I told you to stay put? 

GEOMAN: I was hungry. 

WEDGE: (sitting on his director's chair, crying) This was supposed to be my big directorial debut. And now it's ruined. Ruined! 

HIGH TOWER: (patting Wedge's back supportively) Hey now, it's okay kid. There'll be other videos, you'll see. 

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS: (looks up, horrified) _Other_ videos? No . . . please, Primus, no. . . . 

RENAMON: (sudden appearance, beside Takato) I see you found your partner. 

TAKATO: Yeah, Renamon, but I think he's gotten himself in big trouble this time. 

WEDGE: _More_ of you? Where do you _come from_??? 

RAPID RUN: You don't really want to know, Wedge. 

REIKA: (enter, stage left. Obviously displeased) Renamon, what are we doing here? There aren't even. . . . 

WEDGE: (interrupting) GAAAHHHHH!!! They're multiplying! High Tower, make them go away!!! 

RAILSPIKE: (to REIKA and TAKATO) That might not be a bad idea. You kids better get your friends and go. We don't want any trouble. 

KOJI: Aww, but Railspike, I've never been this close to a real digimon before! 

RENAMON: (disdainfully) Why am I not surprised? 

KOJI: Hey! What's that supposed to mean? 

REIKA: We have enough problems without dealing with this too. Come on, Takato. 

TAKATO: Reika, aren't you the least bit excited? I mean these are real, live, er, well, real giant talking robots! If Henry was here . . . hey, where is Henry anyway? 

_REIKA is about to speak when ULTRA MAGNUS enters, stage right._

ULTRA MAGNUS: (disdainfully) Isn't one human kid enough trouble without inviting more? Optimus is even more of a fool than I thought. 

RAPID RUN: They were just leaving, right kids? 

REIKA: What-ever. Come on Renamon. 

_REIKA exits, stage left. RENAMON vanishes. HIGH TOWER, GRIMLOCK, and HEAVY LOAD are all trying to comfort WEDGE._

TAKATO: (glancing warily between an irritated ULTRA MAGNUS and a deranged WEDGE) Um, yeah. Come on, Geomon. I'm sure there's some day old bread back home or something. (backs out, stage left) 

GEOMON: Okay! (exits, stage left) 

WEDGE: (deranged) I'll get them for this. They ruined my great directorial debut. I'll get them. I'll make them pay. (Ad lib.) 

SIDEBURN: (sidling up to ULTRA MAGNUS) Hey, Ultra Magnus, you remember that stun thing you used on me and my brothers when you first showed up? 

ULTRA MAGNUS: What about it? 

SIDEBURN: Well, I was just thinking, you know, if you could use that on Wedge, now might be a really good time. You know, for the good of the team and everything. 

ULTRA MAGNUS: You're half right anyway. (walks over to the BUILD TEAM) Nap time, kid. (zaps WEDGE) 

WEDGE: (collapses) 

MIRAGE: Thank Primus that's over. If I _never_ see another soundstage again. . . . 

IRONHIDE: I hear ya, Mirage. Come on, let's get a can of oil. 

_MIRAGE AND IRONHIDE exit. Other SPYCHANGERS soon follow._

PROWL: We need. . . . 

SIDEBURN: No, don't say it. You _do_ know you're not actually a police officer, right Prowl? 

X-BRAWN: I'm just wondering why I didn't get any speaking parts before this. 

SIDEBURN: Hey, we can't _all_ be the screenwriter's favorites. Maybe next time. 

_AUTOBOT BROTHERS ad lib banter and exit._

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS: (obviously worried) Why do people keep saying that? There's isn't really going to be a next time . . . is there? 

RAILSPIKE: Are you sure you really want to know? 

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS: I do wish you'd stop saying that. You're making me nervous. 

HIGH TOWER: It could be worse. At least this author doesn't have any evil, tormenting designs on any of us. 

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS: Author? 

GRIMLOCK: I don't think you were supposed to mention that. 

HIGH TOWER: (shrugs) Come on, help me get the kid back to his quarters. 

_HIGH TOWER, HEAVY LOAD, and GRIMLOCK exit, carrying WEDGE between them._

RAILSPIKE: All right, gentlemen, time for patrols. 

KOJI: Great! Midnight, could you drop me off at home? 

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS: Of course, Koji. 

RAILSPIKE: Last word's yours, Magnus. 

_TEAM BULLET TRAIN and KOJI exit._

ULTRA MAGNUS: And this isn't even my project. (Turns to the cameras) All right kids, turn off your TVs and do something else for the next half hour. Power Rangers are evil enough as it is. And if, for some disturbed reason, you enjoyed this farce, contact The Author. Koji sacrifices made on demand. 

_FADE to black. CUT TO end credits._

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Credits:   
_The Lion Sleeps Tonight_   
an Insomniac Films production   
Director: Wedge   
Assistant Director: High Tower   
Background Singers: The Spychangers (Hot Shot, R.E.V., W.A.R.S., Crosswise, Ironhide and Mirage), Team Bullet Train (Railspike, Rapid Run, and Midnight Express), and the Autobot Brothers (Sideburn, Prowl, and X-Brawn)   
Lead Singer: Heavy Load   
Support Soloist: Rapid Run   
Property Manager: Towline   
Set Supervisor: Grimlock   
Grips and Gaffer: Skids 

Guest Appearances by:   
Reika Nonaka, Takato Matsuki, Renamon, and Geomon, courtesy of Digimon   
Ultra Magnus, courtesy of the Autobots of Cybertron   
Koji Oneshi, courtesy of the Oneshi family 

No digimon, humans, or Transformers were injured unduly in the making of this film. The characters and situations in this film are fictious. Any resemblance to real persons, digimon, or Autobots, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 


End file.
